Creating fulfilling relationships

Author Archives: eric

Don’t Just Feel Your Emotions

Isn’t it astounding that feeling emotions is so fundamental and essential to our humanity and well being and yet few of us were taught how to feel? Few of us were guided to notice the sensations in our bodies related to our emotions. Not many of us were shown how to use our breath to free our emotions and help them move. A small minority of us were supported to verbally and physically express our emotions in healthy ways?  A tiny, very lucky few of us were encouraged to accept, welcome and love all our emotions. There are likely some people who were taught to ask for help when emotions were too big to feel alone, but I haven’t met them yet.

If you haven’t yet experimented with bringing love to your emotions, I highly recommend it. Right in the midst of your emotion, whether it’s anger, sorrow, excitement, or joy, bring love to it. There is an aliveness and a vitalness that comes when you bring love to your emotions while they are activated. The love I’m talking about is not an indulgent love or a clinging love. It’s a compassionate, welcoming energy. If this energy of love were to speak it would say, “Welcome anger. I’m so glad you’re here. Welcome fear. I love you. I’m with you all the way. Depression, I’ve got you. We’re going to get through this together. Hello Excitement. I’m right here with you.” Try loving your emotions as if they are very young children, your very young children.

Clearly, there are some emotions that are difficult to love. When difficult emotions come up and love is hard to cultivate on your own, it’s time to use your imagination and your resources. A resource is anyone or anything that you feel unconditionally loved and supported by – a friend or family member, an animal or a part of nature, an entity or spiritual being. When you can’t access the love yourself, imagine your resources surrounding you and bringing love to you and your emotions. Of course, if you have actual people or other resources to reach out to, take that option. But don’t underestimate the power of your imagination; it can get you through those times when no one is available.

You can also bring love to your thoughts, your needs, your characteristics, your body, to every last part of you. Life triggers the things in us that need to be loved. When we bring love to whatever comes up in us, then our life energy can keep moving and growing, instead of getting stuck in our bodies.

When the Fetus Feels Fear

As an NVC Trainer and practitioner, I’ve explored many alternative models of healing that complement and deepen my NVC practice. Not long ago I was a participant in an Ayahuasca ceremony and asked the consciousness of Ayahuasca to teach me more about the fear I carry from my past.  During a pre-ceremony preparation session, one… Continue Reading

The Wounded Butterfly: An Ongoing Transformation

This article is written with They, Their, Them pronouns out of respect for those who don’t identify with a particular gender. With a supportive enough environment, children become adults who can create lives of their own. They find a career, a home, and manage their responsibilities. No matter how successful someone becomes at creating such… Continue Reading

Get to Know Your False Ego and Take Back Your Life

Try this experiment: Choose your top three distractions, the things you turn to for comfort and entertainment but don’t feed your soul – social media, TV/movies, comfort food, alcohol, extra hours at work, shopping, etc. – give them up for a month, and replace them with activities that truly feed your soul and let you… Continue Reading

The Ultimate Romance

When most people think of romance, they think of flowers and chocolate, candlelight dinners and sunset walks, dancing, poetry, and diamond rings. These types of romance happen most consistently during the falling-in-love phase of a relationship. Further into the relationship, once childhood wounds begin to surface, the romance often dwindles, and conflict fills in the… Continue Reading

A Story of Successful Relationship

Imagine you are born into a small community in which everyone knows each other. Your parents are valued in the community and are well supported. As a baby and young child, you are often held, carried, or wrapped against your mother or father, and they are very responsive to your cries for connection or comfort.… Continue Reading

Working Successfully Through Difficult Dialogues

A Structured Dialogue Process for Working Through Challenging Issues Inspired by Restorative Circles – www.restorativecircles.org This process is designed to build understanding and collaboration while working through important or difficult issues. Practice it with easier issues so that it is easier to learn. This process works best when you are as interested in the other’s… Continue Reading

Somatic Self-Empathy

SOMATIC SELF-EMPATHY If you are aware that your amygdala is activated, that you are in fight/flight or freeze and struggling to stay connected and compassionate with yourself or another, You can connect to your prefrontal cortex, regulate your upset, and find a healthy response to the situation by observing your breath, thoughts, and sensations; feeling… Continue Reading

Increasing Your Capacity to Feel

The following post is an excerpt from my book Meet Me In Hard-to-Love Places: The Heart and Science of Relationship Success Widen the Window Two of the most supportive things parents can do for their children are healing their own attachment trauma (thereby further developing their own neural pathways for emotional regulation and secure attachment) and… Continue Reading

What is a Conscious Relationship?

In an interview with Helen LaKelly Hunt and Harville Hendrix that I often recommend to people, Helen and Harville define a conscious relationship as one in which each partner is aware that the wounds and relationship dynamics from childhood will have a big influence on their relationship. In other words, they are conscious that what… Continue Reading