Creating fulfilling relationships

Increasing Your Capacity to Feel

The following post is an excerpt from my book Meet Me In Hard-to-Love Places: The Heart and Science of Relationship Success Widen the Window Two of the most supportive things parents can do for their children are healing their own attachment trauma (thereby further developing their own neural pathways for emotional regulation and secure attachment) and… Continue Reading

What is a Conscious Relationship?

In an interview with Helen LaKelly Hunt and Harville Hendrix that I often recommend to people, Helen and Harville define a conscious relationship as one in which each partner is aware that the wounds and relationship dynamics from childhood will have a big influence on their relationship. In other words, they are conscious that what… Continue Reading

What is The Shadow

An important part of differentiation for adults involves uncovering and reclaiming the disowned parts that were not accepted or loved by their parents. The term “shadow,” first suggested by the psychoanalyst Carl Jung, is often used when referring to our disowned parts, or to the place in our psyches in which we have hidden them. If disowned… Continue Reading

My Time for Waiting is Over

My first two professionally produced songs are ready! The first song is Our Time for Waiting is Over. This song is a call out to answer the heart and find the courage, humility, strength and support needed to bring love to both the light and dark places. It is the theme song for my Gofundme Campaign… Continue Reading

Bringing Love to Painful Places

The end of a marriage, a cancer diagnosis, the destruction of nature, a politician who does not share your values winning an election, how on earth do we bring love to these experiences? Love finds an opening into painful places when we find a willingness to be present to what we are experiencing. The more… Continue Reading

Your Inner Leader

When building successful relationships, it can be very helpful to see yourself as a collection of different inner parts that developed in your psyche due to your various life experiences. There are all kinds of inner parts: a child part, a critic part, a victim part, a monster, a show off, a caretaker, a saboteur,… Continue Reading

The Devil is in the Differentiation

I Get to Be Me and You Get to Be You In adult relationships, differentiation means that each person: is separate and different from the other has their own needs and emotions has their own preferences and dreams has their own character and truth has their own “yes” and their own “no” is autonomous and… Continue Reading

Rupert and Troy

A Story of Avoidant Insecure Attachment Imagine a little boy named Rupert. Rupert is four years old and wants to play with his older brother Troy, but Troy does not want to play with him and pushes him away. Rupert’s amygdala sounds the alarm for fight/flight. Rupert is hurt and upset and does what upset… Continue Reading

Chapter 1 of Meet Me In Hard-to-Love Places

Building A Successful Relationship Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. ~ Rumi So how do you create a successful relationship? There are many ways to answer that question. But first, it is important to understand that… Continue Reading