Creating fulfilling relationships

Table of Contents



Chapter 1. Building a Successful Relationship

  • The Cornerstones of Successful Relationships
  • I Get to Be Me and You Get to Be You
  • That is not a Part of Me
  • The Link to Love
  • Chapter 1. Review

Chapter 2. Attached to Love

  • Where Did You Learn to Love?
  • This is What Love Looks Like
  • I Love You but Don’t Get Too Close
  • I Love You but Come Closer
  • I Love You and You Scare Me
  • Strangers Don’t Help
  • Adults Need Love Too
  • On the Trail of Love
  • Chapter 2. Review

Chapter 3. Your Relationship Memory

  • The Memories You Can Recall
  • The Memories You Do Not Know You Have
  • The Gas Pedal and the Brakes
  • Engagement Matters
  • This is Your Relationship on Implicit Memory
  • Our Orphaned Neural Networks
  • Chapter 3. Review

Chapter 4. This is Your Brain on Emotions

  • The Brain in Your Hand
  • Closing the Flipped Lid
  • Is it Left or Right
  • All Systems Go
  • Widen the Window
  • Chapter 4. Review

Chapter 5. Communicating for Love

  • Nonviolent Communication
  • The Treasure Beneath the Surface
  • What is Going on in Me?
  • What is Going on in You?
  • More Than Words
  • An Ear to Lean On
  • Empathy Under Fire
  • Can I Be Honest with You?
  • Here Are the Facts
  • Can You Feel It
  • Let’s Get the Job Done
  • Sending Out an SOS
  • This is Where I Draw the Line
  • Chapter 5. Review

Chapter 6. The Love Affair of a Lifetime

Chapter 7. Practices

  • Self-Empathy
  • Listening Options that Support Connection and Emotional Regulation
  • Resonant Empathy for Another
  • Guidelines for Empathy-Buddy Calls
  • Natural-Sounding Nonviolent Communication
  • Connected Interrupting
  • Calling a Pause
  • Repairing a Break in Connection
  • Finding and Reclaiming Disowned Parts

Chapter 8. Tips for the Road

  • Ask Before Offering Advice or Suggestions
  • Cultivate Connection Before Asking for Action
  • Get Empathy Before Making Important Decisions
  • Invite People to Say No
  • Separate Needs from Outcomes and Strategies
  • Ask to Understand
  • Talk about Conflict When You’re Not in Conflict
  • Practice Self-Empathy with Your Whole Body
  • Make Poetry Out of Empathy
  • Take it to the Trees
  • Catching Hearts
  • Connect to the Living Energy of Your Needs
  • The Eight Most Powerful Things You Can Do to Build an Inspiring Relationship



Appendix A. Needs

Appendix B. Feelings

Index of Blogs Posts and Songs



About the Author